THE HOLE STORY


PART 4: HOME


And so we were home.

That afternoon, we slept. Just slept... draining all the tension and weariness away. I think this time around, it was Darlene and hubby Bong who got beat. See, as it turned out, we had to see Dr. Esguerra twice, not just once, go to the airline doctor (Dr. Ayco at Makati Med) once for our clearance, and then to the airport. They would travel from their house in Quezon City all the way up to Antipolo to fetch us, bring us to wherever we had to go, bring us back to Antipolo and then go home. Four days of that week that they committed to us and I will forever be grateful to them.

There wasn't a lot of activities that went on during this week, at least not as it has been in the hospital. I continued his wound care, cleaning it twice a day cause the drainage soiled the dressing really fast and I didn't want it soaking wet all day... paramount to wound healing is keeping it clean and dry.

I remember how I kept nagging Papa to take it real easy and to be extra careful in moving about because it was during the 2nd and 3rd weeks post-op that dehiscence (accidental opening of a surgical wound) can occur. Sometimes, evisceration happens along with it (that's when the guts spill out). He also wanted me to start measuring his rice, just a cup per meal now, cause his doctor advised him to go easy on the carbs. He didn't go back to smoking and his caffeine consumption kept getting lower and lower (as of Wednesday, he has stopped drinking coffee). We would take slow morning walks on the street and he would make several visits to the garden at all times of the day, although there was almost nothing he could do there except look at the flowers. There wasn't really much to occupy his time, wasn't even anything on TV he really cared to watch other than the news and the showbiz talk shows. I think this is the most rest he has had since I've known him and I've never seen him so bored. I guess how he felt could all be summed up in his cry, 'I should have brought my damn computer!!!'

We did get a lot of visitors, friends and family who didn't have a chance to visit us in the hospital. Now here, I'm really grateful to Anna, our househelp, cause I wouldn't have been able to cope, if not for her. There was a day when we had guests all the way from breakfast to dinner and just watching Anna do her stuff was enough to make me want to catch my breath. I always said there were only two things I looked for in a househelp... malasakit at diskarte. I always believed that without this, they will never learn anything you teach them and you will never be able to count on them for anything at all. This proves my point perfectly so.

There was only one potential problem that could have come up and again, we were lucky not to have had to deal with it. On our first follow-up consultation with Dr. Esguerra, he noticed the edges of the wound reddened and swelling a bit. I've noticed that previously and was worried that infection might have set in. If it was infection, it would have been my doing and it would have distressed me to know that. But it wasn't infection. The doctor explained that it was seroma, an inflammation of the skin layers. See, although they have cleaned out Papa's abdominal cavity really well, some contaminants may have gotten into the skin and fat layers, making skin granulation and in effect, healing, unable to take place. He told me that if this progresses, there is a dressing called Solbargon which is a fiber-like substance that I would have to feed into Papa's wound. It works like a vacuum or a broom, sweeping up all the contaminants on the skin and fat layers. And then just like a gel, it traps all the dirt within and solidifies them in one clump. After a couple of days, I would pull it out, put new ones in and continue the procedure until skin granulation is completed.

I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be in Singapore with this thing left up to me. So it was such a relief that when, on our second visit, after Dr. Esguerra removed part of the scar tissue, the wound started to heal like a miracle. It just closed up, and the dressing I have had to change became drier by the day. We never had to use the Solbargon dressing.

Our visit with Dr. Ayco was even more uneventful. Ever since I learned that we would have to see the airline doctor to get our clearance for the flight, I have felt some anxiety. In my mind, I was thinking, what if he turned out to be so stern and unsympathetic and not allow us to go? After all, they would have to be responsible for Papa while airborne. True, it would take only 4 hours or so but still...

As it happened, all my fears had more bark than bite. Dr. Ayco turned out to be a relaxed and benevolent doctor who was there really to make sure we were comfortable during the flight more than anything. Incidentally, Dr. Ayco is not only SIA's airline doctor, he also serves the same function for other major airlines. When I learned that, I just thought... wow! What does one do to get a job like that? And then I thought... what responsibilities?

And on the 5th of June, we took the early afternoon flight back to Singapore... Papa and myself, intact and complete, minus one appendix.

I would end this post right here, except...

I've been away for a month. There was this whole gamut of things I had to see to and put in order again. With a critical eye I tried to discern what needs to be done first, second, last, and then I made my plans. On the first morning, I planned to wake up early just to have an early start. I woke up 2 hours after the alarm went off.

I let it go and settled down to quietly enjoy a semi-early morning cup of coffee, untangling thoughts that jumbled in my head.

Plans...

During the past weeks, a lot has happened that we didn't plan on. Things that disrupted our plans, things that interrupted our lives, things that didn't leave us with any choices.

Why do we even make plans for the future... next week, next month, next year... when we seemingly have no control in anything that happens even in the here and now? Funny isn't it, we may have plans A, B and C and in the end, find ourselves haplessly resorting to nothing more than damage control, and sometimes, we even have to struggle with that at our very best.

Why do we even think about controlling our lives and what arrogance are we fitted with to think we can prepare for the future, knowing that in a single day, there are myriad aspects that need to be taken care of, each one of them possibly equipped with a mind of its own that can turn our most well-thought of plan in shambles, when we can't even command our bodies to do as we wish?

Maybe plans are not meant to be seen to their fruition, but are simply there to bring order to our days, to help us get from here to there, from sun-up to sundown without actually destroying ourselves.

I still make plans for my days but more than that... I've mended a hole in my pocket where I keep a coin, something I can flip and toss, choose heads or choose tails, should the moment ask for it.

Life will go on inspite of itself.

Hang loose.