DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT FOR 52 YEARS?
It's my Mom's and Dad's 52nd wedding anniversary today. Wow...
I know my parents have had their differences, and they continue having them to this day. It doesn't help that my Mom is rather easy to take offense, nor does it help that my Dad has quite a way dishing out cutting remarks. To be honest, there have been times in my youth when I've thought that they were probably better off without each other. Well, you wouldn't blame me. Not if you've heard what I've heard on those occasions, thankfully rare and far in between.
But here they are, all of 52 years if not a day, and they're still together. How? Why?
What is it in marriages of their generation that seem to guarantee longevity? Do they have a different notion of dedication and faithfulness than do the succeeding generations? Do they know something that we don't, or is it the other way around... that we know something they don't, and so their marriages last longer.
How does it feel waking up next to somebody after 50 years? Does the familiarity ever overwhelm? How is it possible to avoid second-guessing each other when for 50 years you've shared each other's most private thoughts, most intimate desires, most dreaded fears, most pragmatic views, most lofty ideals, most stubborn beliefs? How is one able to keep bringing himself into the relationship, day after day and still feel whole at day's end? Doesn't one every get weary? Doesn't one ever get consumed? Exhausted? And how does one keep up with change while the very basic unit structure of his life remains a constant factor?
How does one bring all that to bed every night?
Fafa Jay and I just had our 14th anniversary. For us, it's easy because yes, I know how I would want to wake up with him beside me for the rest of my life. I know that our differences are each other's excesses that fills up what the other lacks. I know how I love him and I know how no other man could possibly make me feel loved the way he does. These things... you would know them in your marriage but not in any other's, not even in your parent's marriage. You can't just go ahead and assume that it's the same in another's marriage, and there's too much arrogance in assuming that yours is any better, too much pretense in believing that yours is any less.
In my anniversary blog, I've given thanks for how things have turned out for us, for all that we've had in the past, in the here and now and for whatever lies ahead in our future.
Tonight, my mom sent me this message: '... I thank God that we're still together after 52 years.'
I will not claim familiarity with the nitty gritty of my parents' marriage. I have been away too long and too much. But I find comfort in the fact that as we each celebrate our anniversaries, the occasion finds us both thankful, finds us both still together with our partners.
Maybe, just maybe, we are treading down the same path they've walked and hopefully doing what they're doing right. With a little luck, before we know it, we too will be celebrating our 52nd. Maybe.
For now, it is enough that Mom and Dad have shown us the way.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOMMY AND DADDY!
It's my Mom's and Dad's 52nd wedding anniversary today. Wow...
I know my parents have had their differences, and they continue having them to this day. It doesn't help that my Mom is rather easy to take offense, nor does it help that my Dad has quite a way dishing out cutting remarks. To be honest, there have been times in my youth when I've thought that they were probably better off without each other. Well, you wouldn't blame me. Not if you've heard what I've heard on those occasions, thankfully rare and far in between.
But here they are, all of 52 years if not a day, and they're still together. How? Why?
What is it in marriages of their generation that seem to guarantee longevity? Do they have a different notion of dedication and faithfulness than do the succeeding generations? Do they know something that we don't, or is it the other way around... that we know something they don't, and so their marriages last longer.
How does it feel waking up next to somebody after 50 years? Does the familiarity ever overwhelm? How is it possible to avoid second-guessing each other when for 50 years you've shared each other's most private thoughts, most intimate desires, most dreaded fears, most pragmatic views, most lofty ideals, most stubborn beliefs? How is one able to keep bringing himself into the relationship, day after day and still feel whole at day's end? Doesn't one every get weary? Doesn't one ever get consumed? Exhausted? And how does one keep up with change while the very basic unit structure of his life remains a constant factor?
How does one bring all that to bed every night?
Fafa Jay and I just had our 14th anniversary. For us, it's easy because yes, I know how I would want to wake up with him beside me for the rest of my life. I know that our differences are each other's excesses that fills up what the other lacks. I know how I love him and I know how no other man could possibly make me feel loved the way he does. These things... you would know them in your marriage but not in any other's, not even in your parent's marriage. You can't just go ahead and assume that it's the same in another's marriage, and there's too much arrogance in assuming that yours is any better, too much pretense in believing that yours is any less.
In my anniversary blog, I've given thanks for how things have turned out for us, for all that we've had in the past, in the here and now and for whatever lies ahead in our future.
Tonight, my mom sent me this message: '... I thank God that we're still together after 52 years.'
I will not claim familiarity with the nitty gritty of my parents' marriage. I have been away too long and too much. But I find comfort in the fact that as we each celebrate our anniversaries, the occasion finds us both thankful, finds us both still together with our partners.
Maybe, just maybe, we are treading down the same path they've walked and hopefully doing what they're doing right. With a little luck, before we know it, we too will be celebrating our 52nd. Maybe.
For now, it is enough that Mom and Dad have shown us the way.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOMMY AND DADDY!
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