IN A NUTSHELL
I haven't had a new year's resolution for the longest time. I think it's a cheesy new year's tradition whose fruition is largely relative to one's determination. Often, that translates to making the same resolution (again) the following year. Hence, a waste.
So I shall call this a realization instead. A realization that I cannot take on everyone's problems. I'm not big enough, or strong enough, or true enough. I tried, for close to two years, thinking that is how you love people. But maybe it's not. Maybe there's some other way. Maybe that's what I have to resolve to find out.
I was talking to Papa the other night. And I was telling him (actually, it was more like me thinking aloud and him looking for an opening to scooter out for his evening run... hehe) that I think I was such an arrogant ass. I might have thought I was taking care of everyone and I might have had the best intentions but when you come right down to it, I was meddling, plain and simple. And no matter what, I just didn't have the right to do that.
People will ask for help if they need it. Otherwise, you're shoving it down their throats. I know how that feels. I guess I've forgotten how unpleasant that is. I guess I should remember.
This is probably not the perkiest way to start blogging again, let alone start the new year but believe me when I say that this is actually a good thing and where I'm at right now, there's no better way to start.
It's not knocking off the wind from my 'care' sails. It's actually realizing that the wind is blowing... has been, all these time.
I haven't had a new year's resolution for the longest time. I think it's a cheesy new year's tradition whose fruition is largely relative to one's determination. Often, that translates to making the same resolution (again) the following year. Hence, a waste.
So I shall call this a realization instead. A realization that I cannot take on everyone's problems. I'm not big enough, or strong enough, or true enough. I tried, for close to two years, thinking that is how you love people. But maybe it's not. Maybe there's some other way. Maybe that's what I have to resolve to find out.
I was talking to Papa the other night. And I was telling him (actually, it was more like me thinking aloud and him looking for an opening to scooter out for his evening run... hehe) that I think I was such an arrogant ass. I might have thought I was taking care of everyone and I might have had the best intentions but when you come right down to it, I was meddling, plain and simple. And no matter what, I just didn't have the right to do that.
People will ask for help if they need it. Otherwise, you're shoving it down their throats. I know how that feels. I guess I've forgotten how unpleasant that is. I guess I should remember.
This is probably not the perkiest way to start blogging again, let alone start the new year but believe me when I say that this is actually a good thing and where I'm at right now, there's no better way to start.
It's not knocking off the wind from my 'care' sails. It's actually realizing that the wind is blowing... has been, all these time.
22 Comments:
nakikinig ako sa iyo mylab kahit parang hindi minsan.
tama yung sinabi mo, hindi pwedeng pilitin ang pag offer ng tulong. hindi rin pwedeng ikaw ang nagdadala ng bigat ng mundo.
hintayin mo na lang, huwag ikaw ang lumapit.
I understand! I've been on both sides of the coin -- resisting help because of several reasons (pride, wanting to be independent, just not interested, feeling invaded, etc.) and wanting to pour out help and compassion. It hurts both sides, but feeling your compassion get turned down hurts more.
So yes! Let us continue to be compassionate but know when to pour it out and when to hold it back.
Happy new year!
welcome back to blogging, ateng jet!
you know, i'm guilty of that, too: intending to help out, but ending up meddling and making decisions that weren't mine to make. and the biggest problem is, you don't realize you're doing it until you're in too deep. :(
- ruth
Ditto! Happy New Year, Jet and I'm happy to see you writing down your thoughts again.
Problema ko din yan. Minsan nga, in spit of helping, masama pa din iniisip sa yo ng mga tinulungan mo, and you end up hurt. I think that's a brave solution: help only when you hear someone asking. The good Samaritan needs to find him/herself sometimes. Maybe true helping really means letting people help themselves. Well, not all the time. Guilty pa din naman ako at minsan nagbo-volunteer pa din. Caring too much can be a dangerous activity.
i'm like you jet, i'm not into NY's resolutions, perhaps because I know that like promises, they're meant to be broken! hehe
I too meddle sometimes when all I wanted to do in the first place is help but like what batjay said, perhaps we should wait before we help. it's like giving unsolicited advice, it's not pleasant when you're at the receiving end! :P
Christine
http://mrsg.creativexpression.net
ok... devli's advocate:
what about those who are just shy or wouldn't know how to ask for help? they need the help from others pero they just can't get themselves to ask for it? how would we know which ones we're just meddling with and which ones really need our help?
should we always ask them first if they do need our help? pero yung iba naman sasabihin pa, "bakit naman nagtatanong pa sya, hindi na lang sya tumulong?"
parang confusing, dba?
I'm really glad to see you back, ateng! I really, really, really, really hope we'd see you more often. there's something missing sa blogosphere nung nawala ka :)
It's really a good think you're realizing this now. You can't help people who wont' help themselves ika nga.
your post reminds me of two sorta fave quotes...
1) RELAX!
God's in charge
and
2) The sun will set without they assistance
anyway, I can relate with your post very much... and yes, maybe there is some arrogance in you, you're just human after all...
but sis, it takes a brave and loving soul to be involved... to commit to be involved and affected and responsible... so don't ever think it's all arrogance... you are a compassionate person, a loving person, that's your gift... and your curse... but it will always be who you are...
so learn to let go sometimes if you must... just don't be hard on yourself, if ever :)
Welcome back to blogging, ditse! :D
korek ditse! nasabi na nila ang mga sasabihin ko rin sana. pero gaya rin ng sabi ni ate sienna, paano nga kung hindi marunong magsabi at nahihiya? ang gulo ano?
blog on, ditse! woooohooooo!!! im happy that you're back!
*hugs*
welcome back, jet!
on what you've written up there, i know that you mean well with a pure heart at that, that you only want to help. but you know sometimes, we have to just wait and wait if our help is indeed needed.
I.too, have not made any new year resolution for a very long time. It seems like i am just fooling myself.
Anyway, you just remember that you can't carry the world on your shoulder. That is quite a very heavy task. YOu're right. If someone needs help, they would ask for it. Kilala mo naman kung sino yung nahihiya lang lumapit eh. You can feel it.
welcome back to blogging.
Mahirap nga Toni, especially when we know in our hearts that we were wired to help ease other people's difficulties (just because we can't bear the thought of them getting stuck in whatever predicament they're in) and yet we have to box it up into right or wrong. Minsan din, we may think we're helping but we just might be getting in the way of what God has planned for them. Compassion means action, yes... but we really have to think very well and seek our intentions and what implications they may have on everyone involved.
Happy New Year to you too.
Thanks Ruth, glad to be back blogging.
Baka meron talagang mga personalities na kagaya natin, na nagiging overzealous in wanting to help out and in the process, nagiging mali ang dapat sana ay tama. Hindi siguro puwedeng good intentions lang talaga. Dapat good AND CONSIDERATE intentions siguro.
Thank you, Doc Emer. Happy new year din and yes, I'm happy to be here again.
I know exactly how that feels Doc, yung tumulong ka na ikaw pa ang masama. Ang masaklap pa nga minsan they will even take on the moral high ground. Iisipin mo na lang, 'What the hell?'
Hey Christine! Wow, you're here! What a pleasant surprise... hehe. Thank you.
Case in point, exactly Christine.
Ateng, sino si devli? hihihi... biro lang :)
E ganun na nga siguro Ateng, dapat ipaalam muna natin sa kanila na andito tayo at handang tumulong if they should need our help BUT only when asked. Ang hirap lang minsan kung kelan ka capable tumulong hindi nila kailangan pero pag nangailangan na sila hindi ka na capable... ehehe.
Naku alam mo ba, kaya nga meron akong blog ngayon... partly dahil sayo di ba? Thank you for never losing faith Ateng.
Hey Tintin! Nice to see you here.
Well, actually, the people I have in mind do help themselves. Problem is I'm not leaving them enough room to do that. My bad.
Mecsy, di ka pa rin nagbabago. You've always been big on making people feel good about themselves. God bless your kind soul.
Alam mo pareho kayo ng palaging pinapaalala saken ng Mommy ko, although hers is quoted from the Bible... di ko nga lang alam exactly where. She always reminds me about this line, 'Be still and know that I am God.'
Ateng KiwiP, may I just say, cute na cute ako sa avatar mo. And for some reason, talaga namang feel kita pag tinitingnan ko siya... hehehe. Salamat sa pagdalaw Ateng. Hirap lang medyo kasi kailangang hanapan ng oras itong pagba-blog, medyo kulang minsan. Pero siyempre, ngayon at nagumpisa na ulit ako, I'll try to keep it up. Best efforts. :D
Thank you Mari.
Yup, that's a lesson I'm learning now and it is a hard lesson to learn.
Thank you Tito Rolly.
At totoo ang sinabi mo, medyo mabigat nga problemahin ang problema ng mundo... hehe. Life is too short for any one person to do that. I'm just glad I realized that in time.
Hi Pa! Alam ko namang pinakikinggan mo ako. Lambing ko lang naman sayo yun... hehe.
Palagi ko ngang tinatanong sayo di ba, how did you deal with all of it? Amazed kasi ako, knowing everything that you've been through, na maganda pa din at very positive ang disposisyon mo sa buhay. I have to pick your brains on this.
Or your heart?...
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