I've already mentioned that we do not have children and unless we go through adoption, we may never have any. So I guess it's no wonder why I would be so captivated with my nephews and nieces (all 9 of them), especially when they were small and did not have lives of there own... when I could pick them up and hold them all day and they would only be too happy to oblige... when I could hug and kiss them and they wouldn't squirm away.

My two youngest nephews came about 5 months apart. Axl Lance Juatchon who celebrated his birthday last April turned 2 and Lucas Emmanuel Surla will also be turning 2 come September.



During my visit home last month, much of my time was spent with them... trying to weave my way into their daily routines... trying so hard not to be such a stranger to them and only succeeding by a fraction. Perhaps, one of my biggest regrets in coming here to Singapore is that they will be growing up without me being one of the significant persons in their lives, unlike my older nephews and nieces whose every single birthday I attended, who would not be so surprised with my unexpected visits and not regard me just as a 'holiday relative.'

My youngest sister, Darlene, Lucas's mom was so kind as to move into our parents house for the duration of my stay and I am grateful to her for those 3 days. My elder sister Lani, Axl's mom, already lives with my parents. Darlene didn't want to pass up the chance of all of us staying together again under one roof, if only for 3 days. So she talked hubby Kuya Bong (Papa's friend since the grades) into letting her and Lucas stay with us for a while. So I was there at my parents' house with my 2 nephews, my 2 sisters and my parents. It was a full, riotous house indeed. If only Papa could have stayed longer and spent those days with me, I couldn't have asked for more.

Here are some of my memories of those 3 glorious days...

* During those 3 days, Axl and Lucas would be sharing meals, fed from just one plate and kiddie spoon. Axl would almost always be up ahead of Lucas and by the third day, he refused to eat his breakfast until Lucas joined him. It was so amusing just to watch them together, trying to outdo each other on who can have the biggest bite. The adults around them would be cheering them on saying, 'O si Axl man... O si Lucas man...' My dad, who usually stayed inside his room reading books, would come out during those moments just to watch and join in the fun.

* One time, when Lucas woke up and came out of the room crying, Axl said... 'Morning Lucas.' Then stopped and wrinkled his forehead, silently watching Lucas wail. Then he said, 'Gusto mong dede?' ... hehe... just 5 months older and already acting like a big brother.

* My mom is a born again Christian and as it goes, attends a different church. She would usually come home around 2pm, after a 2 hour service, at which time we would all have had lunch. Coming home from one such service, and I guess borne out of habit, Axl met her at the door and kissed her. Having done that, he turned and held Lucas by the collar of his shirt (Axl and Lucas have this habit of following each other around the house) and ordered him, 'Kiss mo Mommy!'

* Lucas fell asleep later than usual for his afternoon nap and consequently woke up much later than he used to. That night, he had a hard time falling asleep and nothing that either his mom or I could do would lull him away. Darlene and I were already too tired and wanted to sleep and couldn't watch Lucas for another minute. So I got up and turned off the lights. Lucas cried for a while and we just let him. There's this hanging lamp in the room where we slept, with a naked blue bulb swamped with some scarf. It hung right in front of the dresser mirror and with the light reflecting against the mirror, it threw back a prism of sorts... colorful, if a bit dim.

Somehow I sensed that the crying has stopped and listened. Lucas was singing 'Twinkle twinkle little star...' so quietly, like an old man singing to himself for company, while contemplating life's big questions. When I turned to sneak a peak, he was gazing at the blue bulb, oblivious to the fact that he was the only one left awake. When he felt my gaze, he cried, 'Alis! Alis!' That's what he says if he doesn't want to be disturbed.

So I turned my back again. A little while later, I heard him chanting, 'Tita Jet, patay ilaw. Tita Jet, patay ilaw.' I would have laughed out lout if I wasn't too sleepy. I turned again to see what he was doing. He was unfolding the blanket and hiding his face behind it... I guess he was finally resigned to not having any other option but to go to sleep.

*Once I had a chance to sleep with them on either side of me. At one point, I woke up and found them cuddled close against me. I put my arms protectively against each... and wished the afternoon would last forever.

Axl and Lucas... I know I cannot give you or do so much for you from where I am. But I will pray, not that you grow up to be fine and healthy gentlemen... not yet. Instead, I pray that you never ever be in want of your parents' love and care and that you have a happy childhood in a safe and nurturing environment... so happy that you would want to be children for just a while longer.

And based on a certain Paul Harvey's wish list for his granchildren, this much, I also wish for you...

I'd like you to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own beds and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you'd have to share a bedroom with your younger brother or sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when the little one wants to crawl under the covers with you because they're scared, I hope you let him or her. When you want to see a movie and your little brother or sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll be happy to oblige.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask the driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dads will teach you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your heads. I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crushes on a girl, and when you talk back to your mothers, that your learn what Ivory soap tastes like. May you skin your knees climbing a mountain, burn your hands on a stove and bump your asses falling off a tree.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not a friend. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with Lolo and Lola and go fishing with your Uncles. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays. I hope your mothers punish you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor's window and that they hug and kiss you at Christmas time when you give them a plaster mold of your hands.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.