WHY WE CRY WITHOUT KNOWING WHY
Years ago I read a book entitled 'Tully' and there a line went, 'If somebody loves you, or even as much as cared for you, he will get it.'
I know it's not always easy to guess how somebody thinks or feels; that sometimes one will have to be told, even if, or sometimes because, one has lived with this somebody for several years. Men would ask once, a second time for good measure, and if the answer is still 'nothing,' then that's it. And so it's refreshing to note that one would bother to figure out the silence, or the tear, or the reason behind both. It's endearing to watch as one struggles between justifying oneself and attempting to be fair to the other. And it's equally remarkable how one would underscore the importance of this somebody in one's life inspite of the years and almost spend a sleepless night acquainting oneself with the changes perceived.
I don't know why women do it, but as happy as I am in my marriage, I do it too... almost surprisingly, find myself crying for no apparent reason. I guess the operative word here is 'apparent.'
Maybe I'm wrong, but it is my thinking that in a marriage, it would normally be the woman who would give up a lot. Between being a wife and being a mother, sometimes she loses that very thing which she started with, herself. I don't know why it's so difficult to admit that, why it's such a struggle to assert it, but the fact remains. Without a sense of self, it becomes too complicated to go searching for reasons and it becomes inevitable for 'nothing' to be the proverbial answer.
Sometimes too, the feeling comes when we would have such a strong notion of something that we involuntarily act upon it emotionally, and yet fear that we do not have enough to substantiate the argument cognitively. So the point is lost even before anything is started... and so we clam up.
I don't know what it takes. But in retrospect, I guess our marriage has survived thus far because both of us were willing to look beyond what we have lost... if indeed in this marriage, we have lost ourselves... and see what could become... us.
Postscript: This is actually a comment I made last week on one of Ree's entries. Typically, it looked pretty much like an entry itself...:)
Years ago I read a book entitled 'Tully' and there a line went, 'If somebody loves you, or even as much as cared for you, he will get it.'
I know it's not always easy to guess how somebody thinks or feels; that sometimes one will have to be told, even if, or sometimes because, one has lived with this somebody for several years. Men would ask once, a second time for good measure, and if the answer is still 'nothing,' then that's it. And so it's refreshing to note that one would bother to figure out the silence, or the tear, or the reason behind both. It's endearing to watch as one struggles between justifying oneself and attempting to be fair to the other. And it's equally remarkable how one would underscore the importance of this somebody in one's life inspite of the years and almost spend a sleepless night acquainting oneself with the changes perceived.
I don't know why women do it, but as happy as I am in my marriage, I do it too... almost surprisingly, find myself crying for no apparent reason. I guess the operative word here is 'apparent.'
Maybe I'm wrong, but it is my thinking that in a marriage, it would normally be the woman who would give up a lot. Between being a wife and being a mother, sometimes she loses that very thing which she started with, herself. I don't know why it's so difficult to admit that, why it's such a struggle to assert it, but the fact remains. Without a sense of self, it becomes too complicated to go searching for reasons and it becomes inevitable for 'nothing' to be the proverbial answer.
Sometimes too, the feeling comes when we would have such a strong notion of something that we involuntarily act upon it emotionally, and yet fear that we do not have enough to substantiate the argument cognitively. So the point is lost even before anything is started... and so we clam up.
I don't know what it takes. But in retrospect, I guess our marriage has survived thus far because both of us were willing to look beyond what we have lost... if indeed in this marriage, we have lost ourselves... and see what could become... us.
Postscript: This is actually a comment I made last week on one of Ree's entries. Typically, it looked pretty much like an entry itself...:)
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home