IT'S RAINING ROSES


For the past several weeks, I have been deeply concerned, make that despondent, about my father's health. I won't go into details. Suffice it to say that it really worried me sick, enough to un-able me to move in my world as usual. You know how it is when you've got something on your mind and no matter how relatively 'remote' it is from where you are and the circumstances you're in at the moment, it would still take precedence over everything else? You can't go through your days like you normally would cause it's got you in the head bull's eye and you just can't go on... you try to do things to keep it off your mind cause you know there's nothing you could do much as you'd like to do something, nothing... except pray of course. For a while, I was so afraid that my world, as I knew it, was about to change.

You see, I'm naive that way. My life, where heartache and adversity is concerned, has probably been bland at its most tangy. I've always felt like some force has been taking care of me all these years, cushioning me from hardships, difficulties, destitution, life's intricacies, peril, hard luck... anything and everything that could possibly frustrate, dishearten, daunt, depress, vex or jade me. Oh I've been through hard times... at my age I think most people would have gone through some at one point. But it's nothing that would take away the beauty and the sweetness and the 'innocence' with which I still see life... most of the time, at least. I've also found myself facing situations... or maybe I brought myself to them... that could have messed up my life big time if I hadn't played my cards right... or if I haven't been so protected as I feel I am. Probably, the most basic and strongest argument that I can give... to be honest with myself more than anything... that I still see life this way is that I still believe that everything happens for a reason as God Himself has planned it for us and I still believe in the inherent goodness in men, in most men.

For the past several weeks, I felt all that slipping between my fingers... so much like sand which I kept in a hand so tightly closed that the physical tendency would be for it to drain out.

Until friends pulled me out of it... she kept in touch even as I was receding from my own world and encouraged me even before I told her why... when she knew about it, she embraced me and all the distance between us if only to make me smile my first in weeks... and he, in not so many words, stood by me as he always had and tried to divert my thoughts to the most mundane concern in everyday life, and a most effective way I guess - he asked me for recipes. She never let up with messages she dropped every so often... she, amidst her chaotic schedule, made time for me and it was never tit for tat... and he, without ever referring to my concern just went on ahead like he always did, he just made smart and snide remarks which he knows I always found amusing. Of course, he has always been my rock.

Last Monday, I spoke to Darlene. My Dad has had his labs done and has been to his regular physical check-up. My knees got wobbly and I felt myself sinking weakly... my Dad's test results turned negative for anything we have feared and all his physiological levels are approaching normal. Repeatedly I mumbled, 'Thank You, God, thank You, God'... like a chant to reassure myself of the reality of this news. I called my Dad afterwards to hear it from him (although he hasn't been told of the doctor's suspicions as they were looking for a more appropriate moment, gladly it never had to come). He said he was feeling much better, he's eating more and I could really hear it in his voice.

It could have stopped there and I would have gone on blissfully skipping on my toes... but it didn't.

We've been planning to go on a trip to California... it's just something that propagated itself after Papa went there last October. We planned it in time for Chinese New Year next year which falls on the latter half of January.

I was hopeful but considered the plan gingerly. You see, there's the question of acquiring a visa which I've been denied before. I never tried again... just moved on. That incident was a bit hard for me to get over cause I had some dreams hooked up on it and consequently, each one of those dreams just flew out the window. I wasn't going to allow myself to go through that all over again. Somehow, this plan brought back the old feelings of regret, although this time, I was just applying for a non-immigrant visa.

I went through the motions of sending in my application, hopeful but vigilantly keeping myself from going all gung-ho about it, just in case.

Well, yesterday I went in for my interview and guess what... it's green lights for us! Woohoo!!! It's going to be a very short trip, just a mere 8 days, but we'll be making the most of it, seeing relatives we haven't seen in 300 years and a dear, dear friend... it's not going to haul in money like I planned before but hey... it's a pleasure trip. What's not to be thankful for?

And just when I thought I was happy enough... God wasn't done with me yet.

Several weeks ago we had lunch with a lady friend. She's a Filipina, a doctor, the younger sister of Papa's highschool buddy and a neighbor where Papa used to live. She was here a couple of years back for her post-graduate studies, now she's working for a British national, a doctor who's here in Singapore on grants for research works he's doing. He's expecting a couple more grants to be approved for international and local funding.

Now this doctor wants our friend to hire a registered nurse, two in fact, to assist her. So as it goes, she mentioned the job to me, and she has mentioned me to her boss and stated quite bluntly that if things work out, she's got her mind set on hiring me. I've been doing my bit, asked my sister in the Phils. to get info on requirements for renewing my license, will be working on it when we go home for the holidays and hopefully, when we get back from California, I'll have a job at hand.

Beautiful orchestration, don't you think?

But then, there's still the little graces to account for... little graces that make life so sweet, so intoxicating.

Today is the 20th. That leaves 22 days before lift-off. By this time, 4 weeks from now, we'll be home. Last time I looked, it was 50 days. Time's not flying as fast as I want it to but it's doing all that it can.

And today being a Thursday, Papa's coming in from Indonesia... just 5 more hours.

I rest my case.

God is simply amazing. We couldn't thank Him enough and yet, He never stops giving.