MY WORLD, AS I KNOW IT, IS CHANGING SO FAST IT'S LEAVING ME BEHIND


Remember when I posted my letter to my cousins, where I left off some parts cause I said they were as yet too personal for the internet? Well, for now, let's just call it, whatever it is, KR.

For 2 days now, I've been summoning every iota of discipline coursing through my veins to keep up with this regimen.

wake up at 3 am and do KR for 4 hrs. until 7am, in total, absolute, undivided concentration...

after which, I'll send fafa Jay off to work and for the rest of the day, do as much as I can, as quickly as I can, to give the house a mask of being well kept and save me the guilt of actually neglecting it...

if I'm good and I do things right, I can usually save another couple of hours to do KR before I have to see to dinner...

not much 'how-was-your-day' and 'guess-what-happened-to-me-today' time with fafa Jay anymore cause I have to be in bed by 9pm...

so I'll have enough sleep before I have to, yet again, wake up at 3am.

I still have to see what it will do to my weekends.

And although it is, as yet, too early to tell what havoc it may potentially cause to my eyebags, my migraine and my sanity (degree of importance not necessarily in that order), I can already see the changes it's bringing on.

I have to skimp on my internet time!

So now I answer my emails as promptly as I can, preferably as they come in, cause I can no longer afford to sit back and read them at leisure, re-read at leisure, respond to at leisure and re-read my response at leisure... or else I'd end up responding weeks or even months from now, or maybe not responding altogether.

I've totally stopped sending forwarded emails.

I've done away with chatting ages ago so I guess KR is not to be blamed for that.

I was never a daily blogger but before our recent trips, I did manage to blog every other day or so. Now, I can't. I'd be lucky to have a new post, two at best, in a week. I can't even imagine coming up with a new short story anymore. Poems? What are they?

The websites I am able to visit daily have been diminished to about 5 or 6 a day. I used to be able to read all the posts I missed since my last visit. Now, I only have time to read the most recent entries.

And I am feeling so deprived.

The last time I played SIMS was last Sunday. I know that doesn't seem to be such a big deal. But if you consider that it used to be, not only a daily activity for me, but literally every chance I get, then you'd have a pretty good idea how much I'm suffering.

I haven't read a good book lately.

I can't even remember the last time I've been out... to Starbucks, or Coffee Beans, or even McDonald's for Pete's sake, just sitting out in the open air, munching on something resembling food, watching people.

I haven't played anything on my mp3 cause I definitely can't do KR with any background noise.

And there's going to be more.... like being away, and all it entails. Allow me to be so like the movies for a minute but last night, while I was taking my shower, I was crying... already feeling what I have yet to feel months from now.

Why is it, that as we go on with life and through every circumstance, we see more and more that there is a limit to all perfection? Sometimes I wish we could stomp on that truth and grind it to the ground with the heels of our feet... but nothing doing. It's still a truth we will have to deal with... a truth as large as a looming monster, as irritating as an itchy insect bite, as persistent as a monthly bill, as inescapable as our human nature.

Unless we reduce ourselves to a state of erroneously perceived contentment. False contentment. Not because we're faking it, but because it can never be a constant presence in our lives, and when it does come, it doesn't stay for long. Tomorrow will always be an entity all by itself.

As I went to bed last night, fafa Jay came into the room singing this...

did you do it for love
did you do it for money
did you do it for spite
did you really have to honey...

It sure made me think.