BREATHLESS MOMENTS
I'm sure everybody has received these emails with a line at the end that goes, 'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.' Now, I think I have a lot of these...
1. Whenever I wake up in the middle of sleep and find myself all spooned up against fafa Jay. I'd inch my way closer (inch, only because 'millimeter my way closer' is never really said) and drift back to sleep, knowing I'm safe right where I am.
2, After each time I clean the house and wherever I set my eyes on, the thing I see is squeeky clean.
3. Particularly floors. I like it whenever my floor is clean. I like shiny, clean floors. I like walking barefoot on shiny, clean floors. (This is the house that Jack built. This is the mouse that stayed in the house that Jack built. This is the cat that chased out the mouse that stayed in the house that Jack built... hehe).
4. Whenever I make soap suds and it turns up real creamy. I like the feel of it on my hands.
5. Witnessing random acts of kindness, and above all, when these acts are extended to the elderly.
6. Quiet moments with fafa Jay, mostly on weekends, when we could stay up late into the night. He might be doing his own thing, and I mine. There may be no conversation at all but we both are so consciously aware of each other's presence, and that alone gives us comfort. Every now and then, one of us would get up from whatever we're doing and give the other a hug.
7. Whenever I see a combination of pastel colors. I will not wear pastel and I won't paint my room pink. I just like seeing pastel colors all mixed up, like in a painting or a pattern or something.
8. Whenever I hear, read or watch a film with a feel good story. The kind that makes you cry and smile at the same time, it's heavy on the heart but you feel light just the same.
9. Whenever I smell fresh and clean laundry. More so if the smell stays on the clothes long after they've dried up. Especially if it's my laundry I'm smelling.
10. Beneath my kitchen window is a small playground with slides and all sorts of things the children can climb and squeeze in and out of. Whenever I hear a child squeal in sheer delight, it makes me stop a while. It makes me smile to know that somebody out there has just had a moment of pure joy, even if that person isn't me.
11. Whenever fafa Jay sings 'Sino Ako.'
12. In prayer, specifically when I feel compelled to listen more than talk.
13. When I sense that I've done something right, in particular, when that realization dawns on me rather than when I consciously figure out whether I've done something right or not. More so when I struggle to remember exactly how it happened, cause that act tells me that whatever it is I've done was done with no thought or effort put into it at all. Makes me think that yes, I'm capable of doing something right spontaneously.
14. Whenever I see a building or structure whose architectural design is not only magnificent but makes so much sense to me it makes me feel like I'm walking inside my own house whose every room I know.
15. Whenever I know I've given a good party in which I also had a good time spent with the guests and not held up in the kitchen. These would be the parties in the company of a few guests, just enough to fill up one long table. The atmosphere would be intimate and there would only be one conversation going in which everybody can pitch in anytime. It's not necessary that everybody knows everybody else. It is my thinking that if a guest knows the host well enough, he would be able to jive with every other person present in the room. Everybody goes home happy and glad that they came.
16. Those mornings when I wake fafa Jay up and he would tug at me to join him in bed for those extra 5 or 10 minutes before he decides he should get up.
17. Days of perfectly coordinated activities. When I don't find myself fumbling or wasting minutes on unnecessary or redundant tasks.
18. Whenever I call my family on Sundays and I get to speak to my two youngest nephews.
19. Whenever I consider space. I like rooms where everything has its place and wherever they are placed, it's logical for them to be there. I like it when spaces are used cleverly, without sacrificing aesthetics. I like it when there is space left, when a room is neither tacky, cluttered or crammed in. I love space... both using it and leaving it alone.
20. Time alone. Much as I want to be with fafa Jay every minute, I also like spending time alone in the house, especially when I'm not pressed to do anything. I like it most if, should I feel like watching a movie, there'd be something new to choose from off the shelf, and I have snacks in the house and a glass of Coke.
21. Making fafa Jay laugh. Between the two of us, he's obviously the humorist and it's kinda' tough making him laugh. Whenever I could, I have a perfect moment.
22. Whenever I hear music. I don't pay much attention to genre or artist; it's the melody and the beat that cut it for me. There are even some rap music that I like, as long as the beat is right. It's always the melody that would hit me first. If it's nice enough, then I listen to the words. If it's really nice, I won't even care about the words. There's probably just one artist whose song I will never listen to. Kylie Minogue.
23. Whenever I'm in conversation. Deep and probing conversation. Not the gossipy kind, but one with an honest interest in what a person thinks and how a person feels. It wouldn't be a showcase of how much a person knows or how well one can articulate, but it will be plump with insights on the essence of whoever I'm conversing with, and vice versa. I like knowing what makes a person tick.
24. Whenever I look at our pictures. I remember the moments I can never go back to but moments which I will always have in my heart.
25. Whenever I eat pastry that tastes heavenly.
26. Whenever I have the chance to read fafa Jay's poetry. He seldom writes one, but when he does, it's alway a revelation, both the skill and the content. His poetry is always unassuming and you'll never know exactly what he's talking about, unless you know him.
27. Whenever I think of our ultimate dream... spending quiet days together, with him sprucing up a garden and me watching out for flower buds that might turn up, sipping coffee or some cold drink, watching the sunset or catching the sunrise, having enough to convince ourselves that life is good.
28. Whenever I think of the friends I've made in the past couple of years, or at least those people who have touched our lives and whose lives we've touched, how it was all made possible through miles of current and static, through messages thoughtfully left. It might be that we've known each other mainly through words, but these words sure have gone a long way.
29. Whenever I call out to fafa Jay and he answers, 'Yes, my love.'
I could have made this a list of 30 items if I wanted to, but life is not always a perfect even. There will always be the odds. And whenever I learn to let one pass without flurry, without me getting all ruffled up, I know I'm one step closer to becoming the best person I can be. It doesn't always go smoothly onward. More often than not, it takes one step forward and two steps back. But that, in itself, is an oddity of chance that I've learned to live with, and the paradox it assumes also takes my breath away.
I'm sure everybody has received these emails with a line at the end that goes, 'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.' Now, I think I have a lot of these...
1. Whenever I wake up in the middle of sleep and find myself all spooned up against fafa Jay. I'd inch my way closer (inch, only because 'millimeter my way closer' is never really said) and drift back to sleep, knowing I'm safe right where I am.
2, After each time I clean the house and wherever I set my eyes on, the thing I see is squeeky clean.
3. Particularly floors. I like it whenever my floor is clean. I like shiny, clean floors. I like walking barefoot on shiny, clean floors. (This is the house that Jack built. This is the mouse that stayed in the house that Jack built. This is the cat that chased out the mouse that stayed in the house that Jack built... hehe).
4. Whenever I make soap suds and it turns up real creamy. I like the feel of it on my hands.
5. Witnessing random acts of kindness, and above all, when these acts are extended to the elderly.
6. Quiet moments with fafa Jay, mostly on weekends, when we could stay up late into the night. He might be doing his own thing, and I mine. There may be no conversation at all but we both are so consciously aware of each other's presence, and that alone gives us comfort. Every now and then, one of us would get up from whatever we're doing and give the other a hug.
7. Whenever I see a combination of pastel colors. I will not wear pastel and I won't paint my room pink. I just like seeing pastel colors all mixed up, like in a painting or a pattern or something.
8. Whenever I hear, read or watch a film with a feel good story. The kind that makes you cry and smile at the same time, it's heavy on the heart but you feel light just the same.
9. Whenever I smell fresh and clean laundry. More so if the smell stays on the clothes long after they've dried up. Especially if it's my laundry I'm smelling.
10. Beneath my kitchen window is a small playground with slides and all sorts of things the children can climb and squeeze in and out of. Whenever I hear a child squeal in sheer delight, it makes me stop a while. It makes me smile to know that somebody out there has just had a moment of pure joy, even if that person isn't me.
11. Whenever fafa Jay sings 'Sino Ako.'
12. In prayer, specifically when I feel compelled to listen more than talk.
13. When I sense that I've done something right, in particular, when that realization dawns on me rather than when I consciously figure out whether I've done something right or not. More so when I struggle to remember exactly how it happened, cause that act tells me that whatever it is I've done was done with no thought or effort put into it at all. Makes me think that yes, I'm capable of doing something right spontaneously.
14. Whenever I see a building or structure whose architectural design is not only magnificent but makes so much sense to me it makes me feel like I'm walking inside my own house whose every room I know.
15. Whenever I know I've given a good party in which I also had a good time spent with the guests and not held up in the kitchen. These would be the parties in the company of a few guests, just enough to fill up one long table. The atmosphere would be intimate and there would only be one conversation going in which everybody can pitch in anytime. It's not necessary that everybody knows everybody else. It is my thinking that if a guest knows the host well enough, he would be able to jive with every other person present in the room. Everybody goes home happy and glad that they came.
16. Those mornings when I wake fafa Jay up and he would tug at me to join him in bed for those extra 5 or 10 minutes before he decides he should get up.
17. Days of perfectly coordinated activities. When I don't find myself fumbling or wasting minutes on unnecessary or redundant tasks.
18. Whenever I call my family on Sundays and I get to speak to my two youngest nephews.
19. Whenever I consider space. I like rooms where everything has its place and wherever they are placed, it's logical for them to be there. I like it when spaces are used cleverly, without sacrificing aesthetics. I like it when there is space left, when a room is neither tacky, cluttered or crammed in. I love space... both using it and leaving it alone.
20. Time alone. Much as I want to be with fafa Jay every minute, I also like spending time alone in the house, especially when I'm not pressed to do anything. I like it most if, should I feel like watching a movie, there'd be something new to choose from off the shelf, and I have snacks in the house and a glass of Coke.
21. Making fafa Jay laugh. Between the two of us, he's obviously the humorist and it's kinda' tough making him laugh. Whenever I could, I have a perfect moment.
22. Whenever I hear music. I don't pay much attention to genre or artist; it's the melody and the beat that cut it for me. There are even some rap music that I like, as long as the beat is right. It's always the melody that would hit me first. If it's nice enough, then I listen to the words. If it's really nice, I won't even care about the words. There's probably just one artist whose song I will never listen to. Kylie Minogue.
23. Whenever I'm in conversation. Deep and probing conversation. Not the gossipy kind, but one with an honest interest in what a person thinks and how a person feels. It wouldn't be a showcase of how much a person knows or how well one can articulate, but it will be plump with insights on the essence of whoever I'm conversing with, and vice versa. I like knowing what makes a person tick.
24. Whenever I look at our pictures. I remember the moments I can never go back to but moments which I will always have in my heart.
25. Whenever I eat pastry that tastes heavenly.
26. Whenever I have the chance to read fafa Jay's poetry. He seldom writes one, but when he does, it's alway a revelation, both the skill and the content. His poetry is always unassuming and you'll never know exactly what he's talking about, unless you know him.
27. Whenever I think of our ultimate dream... spending quiet days together, with him sprucing up a garden and me watching out for flower buds that might turn up, sipping coffee or some cold drink, watching the sunset or catching the sunrise, having enough to convince ourselves that life is good.
28. Whenever I think of the friends I've made in the past couple of years, or at least those people who have touched our lives and whose lives we've touched, how it was all made possible through miles of current and static, through messages thoughtfully left. It might be that we've known each other mainly through words, but these words sure have gone a long way.
29. Whenever I call out to fafa Jay and he answers, 'Yes, my love.'
I could have made this a list of 30 items if I wanted to, but life is not always a perfect even. There will always be the odds. And whenever I learn to let one pass without flurry, without me getting all ruffled up, I know I'm one step closer to becoming the best person I can be. It doesn't always go smoothly onward. More often than not, it takes one step forward and two steps back. But that, in itself, is an oddity of chance that I've learned to live with, and the paradox it assumes also takes my breath away.
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