DONE BUT AIN'T OVER
Oh my God! I realize, only now when I logged in, that I haven't blogged in a loooong while. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in Blogger looks the same anymore. What gives, huh!?!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BLOGGER!? What? This is much better you say? Well, that's just fine... hehe.
Okay, so now there's a spelling check and I can preview my post before actually publishing it, that's good. And I see that yet again, you've changed the way to insert a link, but does that have the same purpose as when I use 'Blog This?' And what does block quote do?... and upload what files? My files? Hell, no.
I'm really sorry I had to stay away. The thing is, I really had to. Like I mentioned before, KR comes within a time frame and as of May 11, 11:59 pm EDT, it's done and no longer available for me on the internet. Before that happened though, I had to save as much of the material as I could so I can refer to it anytime I have to afterwards. And to do that meant staying away from my blog and all of yours, not responding to my emails, not going to NationStates, keeping myself away from my notebook where my SIMS game lies waiting, staying up from Tuesday 3am to Wed 12 noon, and having to type everything twice because I realize typing and somnambulism do not really go together like horse and carriage (yeah, I could have used cut and paste but the dang things were copy-protected). If I ever have to do that again, I swear I'm gonna die.
I got into a lot of thinking about all these. Sometimes, we people can be such funny creatures. We never seem to realize just when we're having it good, or if we ever do, it always comes in retrospect. Whatever our circumstances are, we always seem to get to a point when we are ripe for change... something more, something better, something else. There seems to be a certain synergy to the things we think and feel that will lead us in pursuit of a new-fangled thing... we wake up in the morning and find ourselves in the same insufferable routine; nothing tastes right, or looks right, or feels right; our faces become masks of ennui and our affects lame... in our minds we are somewhere else, leading some other life, we look at our lives and think to ourselves, 'Is this all there is?' We look at our lives and think to ourselves, 'I could be doing something else.'
So when an opportunity comes that presents even an iota of change... in environs, in lifestyle, in pecuniary circumstances or even in the people we deal with day in and day out, we often grab at it. A decision made in a split second, a life changed for all eternity.
Split second decsions... this is something I learned should never be the order of the day. Often we find that we've bitten more than we could chew.
After KR, I felt so free. And it was so overwhelmingly surprising to feel that because it is this very freedom that set me out to embark on KR. I felt I wasn't maximizing my potential, that I was wasting time, that I could do more and be more, never mind have more because fafa Jay is, after all, a very good provider. He takes care of my every need and as much as I appreciate that, I woke up one day thinking, couldn't I be doing that too? So when the opportunity came, I made a split second decision and haven't looked back since.
Not that I want to, but even if I did, I couldn't. See, when you work on something like this, you set yourself up for all the dreams that come with it, all the expectations, all the possibilities, all the promises. Bailing out will feel so much worse than failing because at this point, there is nothing to fail at yet. It's losing the race right at the starting point.
The race...
I thought I've given up on that. I thought I was over it, gone beyond it, above it. The rat race, or what I've come to call 'corporate slavery'... the feeling that unless I am part of an institution, or a trade, I haven't got much to speak of for myself. But I did... I do. And day by day it became such a pervading thought that before long it had me singled out, trapped and sold. Now, I'm back in the race... down that slippery slope again.
Yesterday, after KR, I wouldn't have known what to do with myself if I wasn't too sleepy to think about what to do with myself. That says a lot because I've never been at a loss for something to do, or to occupy my time, one way or another.
Only three months into this thing and I already find I have to regain a part of me.
Pretty much what slavery is, don't you think?
Or maybe I should learn to do it as the Chinese do... suan le... let it be.
Oh my God! I realize, only now when I logged in, that I haven't blogged in a loooong while. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in Blogger looks the same anymore. What gives, huh!?!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BLOGGER!? What? This is much better you say? Well, that's just fine... hehe.
Okay, so now there's a spelling check and I can preview my post before actually publishing it, that's good. And I see that yet again, you've changed the way to insert a link, but does that have the same purpose as when I use 'Blog This?' And what does block quote do?... and upload what files? My files? Hell, no.
I'm really sorry I had to stay away. The thing is, I really had to. Like I mentioned before, KR comes within a time frame and as of May 11, 11:59 pm EDT, it's done and no longer available for me on the internet. Before that happened though, I had to save as much of the material as I could so I can refer to it anytime I have to afterwards. And to do that meant staying away from my blog and all of yours, not responding to my emails, not going to NationStates, keeping myself away from my notebook where my SIMS game lies waiting, staying up from Tuesday 3am to Wed 12 noon, and having to type everything twice because I realize typing and somnambulism do not really go together like horse and carriage (yeah, I could have used cut and paste but the dang things were copy-protected). If I ever have to do that again, I swear I'm gonna die.
I got into a lot of thinking about all these. Sometimes, we people can be such funny creatures. We never seem to realize just when we're having it good, or if we ever do, it always comes in retrospect. Whatever our circumstances are, we always seem to get to a point when we are ripe for change... something more, something better, something else. There seems to be a certain synergy to the things we think and feel that will lead us in pursuit of a new-fangled thing... we wake up in the morning and find ourselves in the same insufferable routine; nothing tastes right, or looks right, or feels right; our faces become masks of ennui and our affects lame... in our minds we are somewhere else, leading some other life, we look at our lives and think to ourselves, 'Is this all there is?' We look at our lives and think to ourselves, 'I could be doing something else.'
So when an opportunity comes that presents even an iota of change... in environs, in lifestyle, in pecuniary circumstances or even in the people we deal with day in and day out, we often grab at it. A decision made in a split second, a life changed for all eternity.
Split second decsions... this is something I learned should never be the order of the day. Often we find that we've bitten more than we could chew.
After KR, I felt so free. And it was so overwhelmingly surprising to feel that because it is this very freedom that set me out to embark on KR. I felt I wasn't maximizing my potential, that I was wasting time, that I could do more and be more, never mind have more because fafa Jay is, after all, a very good provider. He takes care of my every need and as much as I appreciate that, I woke up one day thinking, couldn't I be doing that too? So when the opportunity came, I made a split second decision and haven't looked back since.
Not that I want to, but even if I did, I couldn't. See, when you work on something like this, you set yourself up for all the dreams that come with it, all the expectations, all the possibilities, all the promises. Bailing out will feel so much worse than failing because at this point, there is nothing to fail at yet. It's losing the race right at the starting point.
The race...
I thought I've given up on that. I thought I was over it, gone beyond it, above it. The rat race, or what I've come to call 'corporate slavery'... the feeling that unless I am part of an institution, or a trade, I haven't got much to speak of for myself. But I did... I do. And day by day it became such a pervading thought that before long it had me singled out, trapped and sold. Now, I'm back in the race... down that slippery slope again.
Yesterday, after KR, I wouldn't have known what to do with myself if I wasn't too sleepy to think about what to do with myself. That says a lot because I've never been at a loss for something to do, or to occupy my time, one way or another.
Only three months into this thing and I already find I have to regain a part of me.
Pretty much what slavery is, don't you think?
Or maybe I should learn to do it as the Chinese do... suan le... let it be.
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