LOVED FOR THE PURE JOY OF LOVE ALONE
Today is my Dad's 78th birthday.
He gave us quite a scare the past couple of days. He has been sick, and was getting seriously so. We've been trying to convince him to have himself admitted in the hospital but he didn't, not until he was unable to carry his weight on his legs. Everything's fine now, after his dialysis... he's up and about, he's eating well, he's stronger and pretty much his usual self.
So that's how it feels to be far away and have to go through something like this. It's pure agony! When you want to be there but can't, and you're not even sure if you must. You hear news about what's being done and you keep on asking how he is and you feel so frustrated because you just can't get your family to say, 'He's fine!' right off. You want to be holding his hand but the phone is as near as you can get. You listen to his voice, gauging how he is through it, willing him to be alright, but all you hear is the weakness in it. There is no saving yourself from the worry and everytime the phone rings, you jump from your seat and your heart jams your throat.
You can't make yourself do anything because anything you try to do seems so irrelevant and yet, you can't keep still or you'll go crazy thinking. It's a blessing to be able to tell somebody. Twice a blessing if somebody is there who can put his arms around you and pat your shoulder. It makes you feel alright, the way human touch would, but it doesn't stash away the worry... still it grips you at the solar plexus and makes every breath laborious.
Today though, I woke up with the knowledge that he's doing fine. It's unfortunate that he'll have to celebrate his birthday at the hospital but that's okay. Save for Papa and myself, the whole family's there to celebrate it with him. And they'll be sending him home tomorrow.
I am proud of my family for how they carried on. Everybody came together so that not one sibling, nor my Mom, had had to bear the burden alone. They all pitched in, staying the night, fetching things they needed in the hospital, doing the paper work. I am so happy just to know that although we now live different lives with our respective families, at times like this, we are still there for each other. That the love and care has not become a watered down version of what it once was, that it hasn't been washed pale with all the transformations we've gone through in time.
Today has been a nice day for me too, even if I couldn't be with them... a relaxed, unharried, unhurried day. I wanted it to be so. After that incident, I realized that in the face of such a life-propelling event, everything could come to a standstill and nothing could possibly be more important than a loved one. We clutter our lives with things we think we must do and accomplish when all the while, the fact that we are born into a nest of people we call family is really all there is and should be.
Today is my father's birthday and I am a thousand miles away. But there's a spring to my step because yesterday, my Dad ordered Chinese for dinner.
Happy birthday Daddy. Thank you for making me so happy.
Today is my Dad's 78th birthday.
He gave us quite a scare the past couple of days. He has been sick, and was getting seriously so. We've been trying to convince him to have himself admitted in the hospital but he didn't, not until he was unable to carry his weight on his legs. Everything's fine now, after his dialysis... he's up and about, he's eating well, he's stronger and pretty much his usual self.
So that's how it feels to be far away and have to go through something like this. It's pure agony! When you want to be there but can't, and you're not even sure if you must. You hear news about what's being done and you keep on asking how he is and you feel so frustrated because you just can't get your family to say, 'He's fine!' right off. You want to be holding his hand but the phone is as near as you can get. You listen to his voice, gauging how he is through it, willing him to be alright, but all you hear is the weakness in it. There is no saving yourself from the worry and everytime the phone rings, you jump from your seat and your heart jams your throat.
You can't make yourself do anything because anything you try to do seems so irrelevant and yet, you can't keep still or you'll go crazy thinking. It's a blessing to be able to tell somebody. Twice a blessing if somebody is there who can put his arms around you and pat your shoulder. It makes you feel alright, the way human touch would, but it doesn't stash away the worry... still it grips you at the solar plexus and makes every breath laborious.
Today though, I woke up with the knowledge that he's doing fine. It's unfortunate that he'll have to celebrate his birthday at the hospital but that's okay. Save for Papa and myself, the whole family's there to celebrate it with him. And they'll be sending him home tomorrow.
I am proud of my family for how they carried on. Everybody came together so that not one sibling, nor my Mom, had had to bear the burden alone. They all pitched in, staying the night, fetching things they needed in the hospital, doing the paper work. I am so happy just to know that although we now live different lives with our respective families, at times like this, we are still there for each other. That the love and care has not become a watered down version of what it once was, that it hasn't been washed pale with all the transformations we've gone through in time.
Today has been a nice day for me too, even if I couldn't be with them... a relaxed, unharried, unhurried day. I wanted it to be so. After that incident, I realized that in the face of such a life-propelling event, everything could come to a standstill and nothing could possibly be more important than a loved one. We clutter our lives with things we think we must do and accomplish when all the while, the fact that we are born into a nest of people we call family is really all there is and should be.
Today is my father's birthday and I am a thousand miles away. But there's a spring to my step because yesterday, my Dad ordered Chinese for dinner.
Happy birthday Daddy. Thank you for making me so happy.
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