ON BECOMING


Sometimes you will have to step out of your comfort zone.

Sure, it's cozy in there and you're as safe as you please. You don't have to measure up. You don't have to run and beat anything. You can watch people make mistakes and get hurt and deal with life while you sit on your couch and remain untouched. You can say life is sweet because nothing bad happens to you because as a matter of fact, nothing does ever happen to you.

But sometimes you will have to go out on a limb and put yourself on the line for someone... someone you may love so much you can't bear to see him suffering and not take it upon yourself to do your part, to help. And all of a sudden you forget yourself... the things that make you comfortable, the things that make you say life is sweet. All of a sudden it all becomes clear and you will know what to do.

That's when you realize that was the easiest part.

Of course you don't have an idea of what it takes. You know the road that will take you to where you want but you don't really know how bumpy it is until you're on it.

And you find that it's tough.

The first thing you have to face are the doubts you have in yourself. You may be good in a lot of things, you may be so damn good in one thing, but you will never know, will you, unless you're out there doing it. And if you haven't, that alone can stop you even before you get through the front door. If you will let it. You know, you are lucky when you're in a situation where there's no turning back and there's no other way to go. You are lucky when you are left with no choice but to charge on. You're just going to have to face those doubts and look them right in the eye and tell them they're not stopping you. That they will have to leave you be or you're taking them with you if you have to and get to where you will find out where you can be good at and bury them there.

And how are you going to get started? Where are you going to find someone who will let you give it a shot, who will not laugh at your face and think that you're the most arrogant absurdity there ever was? That you can just take with you whatever it is you thought you knew how to do and tell someone you're it? You think that's enough? People have been breaking their backs trying to perfect every manner of being the best and where have you been while they were at it? What have you been doing? You know, you may have gotten through the front door but what good is that if you don't find another to walk into? But find it you must because remember, there is no turning back. And of course sometimes, you find too that time is running out. And so you knock again, and keep on knocking, trying to find that chance...

And believe me, no matter how short it actually was, in the dark, it will feel like you've been there for a very, very long time. But you wake up each day knowing that you will have to be brave again and you will have to pray a lot and hope that this is the day. As long as you're in it, frustration will be your only crutch and if the implications are grave enough, tears will be your only comfort.

But you will have to keep believing though that the day will come. And then when someone finally answers your knock and lets you through the door, the world takes on a different hue. For the first time in quite a while, you take a long, deep, calm breath and let it out ever so slowly. Your first step after that is more firmly planted. After all, you just found a direction for it. You measure time not with its passing but with what you can pack into it because suddenly, there is so much to be done. And yes, now the world is bright again because there is a light for you to follow.

You found a recess in the circle of life where you can work on being good at something. For sure, in this recess, there is not a couch and maybe that will scare you a little. But then you're a different person now, full of resolve and with a purpose and sometimes you will remind yourself that you've been scared before but you came out of it alright. You will be alright again.

You can't be quite sure what it was that really got you through... an answered prayer, or your faith in it, or your courage. You just know that you've been helped a lot. And that people are kind.

Or that God made them be.